I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
