Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
