Duck Duck Cougar?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
