Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
