Plan B is the new Plan A
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
