thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
