i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
