she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
