I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
