Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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