and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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