Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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