I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
