Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
