What did we do last night that was yellow?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
