Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
