I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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