there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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