Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
