i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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