So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
