maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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