There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
