Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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