I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
