MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
