I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
