If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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