You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
