i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
