u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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