I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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