She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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