I puked a lego.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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