i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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