you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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