you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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