alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
