Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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