Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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