dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
