dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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