just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
