Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
