she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
