So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
