Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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