you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
