Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
