fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
