the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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