Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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