Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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