You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
