im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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