sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
