How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are we still banned from the library?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
